Life’s Common Ground

Everybody poops, as much as women or celebrities or influencers may not want you to see it or know it, everyone has baggage. They all wipe their own bums and they all poo or else they die . Why is this important? Well, because we like to idolize doctors, politicians, sometimes parents or children, or religious figureheads, gurus, etc and it’s comforting to know that they all got their own poop to deal with too. I have had the pleasure of meeting so many of my role models and people I put up on a pedestal before. What I have learned is that everyone has their own problems. Some have harder problems than others.

BUT those who seemingly “have it all together” usually don’t. The ones who do the best are the ones who can manage problems well, and return back to a collected state of calm/poise faster than others. “More money, more problems” is all true. “No money, no problems” is also very true. The truth though is you have NO IDEA how wealthy someone is, and they often have debt or assets that you likely will never know about. The people of Uber wealth and everyone else too seem to have issues.

I get the pleasure of learning the inner lives of many people because of its relevance to their health issues. What I have learned is that none of us can avoid pain and suffering. What we can learn is perspective, and how to manage it gracefully. We can learn from the poop that happens to us, and we can grow from it. We can do our best to avoid stress, but it always comes around in the end.

I look for people to associate with who are open, honest, vulnerable and modest. People who seek out the truth even when society is suppressing it. People whose values and convictions are strong.

People whose mental fortitude is excellent, People who are growth oriented and not only admit their mistakes but actively work on their weaknesses, happily. These are the true role models. The quiet ones. The gentle ones. The ones whose actions speak so their words don’t have to. These people are my favorites. And they still poop .

Narrow Gate

The only way to get through the narrow gate is by purging everything that’s not of God.

The Bible says, “enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction. The question is, What is the Narrow Gate?” The narrow gate is Jesus Christ.

He is the ONLY way to the father, No one goes to the Father except through Him.

It’s a gate for those who dropped everything and followed Jesus, and followed the will of God no matter what.

Luke 9:23 says, If any man wishes to come after Me, he must DENY HIMSELF, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. How extreme is this denial? John 12:25

He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.

You have to hate your own life and pick up the Life of Christ, the life everlasting. When you find Christ, you give up everything, you become Christ-Centered and advancing the Kingdom of God. So you have to let go of that’s holding you from pursuing a relationship with Jesus.

You have to understand that this Christ journey is a personal one, that’s why you accepted Jesus as your PERSONAL Lord and Savior. That is the narrow gate

You will lose friendships because you chose the narrow gate. You will lose relationships because you chose the narrow gate.

Whatever the SHIP, Let them GO, If it’s not Leading you to Jesus, it’s not Leading you to purpose. If it’s not Leading you to Jesus, you’re not missing out on nothing. In fact they’re the ones missing out because the Bible says the wide and broad gate leads to destruction, Eternal fire.

Kind Partner

When choosing a life partner, prioritize kindness over material possessions. A caring partner values human connections more than objects. If someone reacts aggressively over minor incidents like stained clothes or a dropped phone, it’s a red flag. Opt for someone empathetic who understands mistakes without hostility.

Reflecting on an incident in my third year, I witnessed a girl terrified because her boyfriend’s iPad fell. My friend emphasized the cost, but I insisted that the relationship, not the iPad, was the issue. No one should fear their partner to this extent there’s likely a deeper problem.

I often stress that a car accident should elicit concern for the person’s safety, not just the damage. Genuinely kind individuals prioritize people over possessions. This trait matters in relationships choose a partner with a kind personality.

In my fourth year, a friend cracked my phone, and we shared the repair cost. In a Political Science Class, a roommate accidentally knocked my laptop, and I did not make a fuss. Personality matters, I don’t attach value to money or possessions. Humanity tops my values.

I share these examples to highlight the importance of personality. Many fear their partners and endure abuse for trivial reasons. A loving home should not instill fear. Your partner should bring you peace, not anxiety.

Love of a Woman

When it comes to matters of love, women are more logical than men in their selection process. She can only love you if you serve a purpose to her.

Her love always comes with a condition: It may be financial security, your potential, brilliance etc. A condition must be met.

This is why it’s a white lie when women say they stayed with a man when he had nothing.

There’s a condition the man met that made her stay, a condition that bested the advances of other men. She did not stay out of pity. Women can’t love men honourably.

If you don’t fulfill a condition in her life, she would not think twice to unleash her ruthlessness and dump your sorry ass.

As I said earlier, the condition is not necessarily money. The reason women always want to use the line “when he had nothing” is because relationships have become heavily monetized, all thanks to simps.

So she’s telling you she could have accepted the advances of those simps who can’t possibly satisfy her emotional needs which is what your “broke ass” was unrivalled at.

You see? That was self-seeking, not an act of selflessness. If she got a rich dude who could satisfy her emotional needs, then gone would’ve been your love and that’s not debatable. Women only love you if you serve a purpose to them. Their loyalty is not to your love, but to their interests.

Summarily, Love can be multifaceted, driven by emotions, circumstances, and yes, sometimes practicality. Hence, while conditions may exist, let’s not paint every romance with the same brush. Love can be as diverse as our vibrant Ghanaian culture, My opinion.

THREE SIMPLE WAYS TO FIND OUT IF SHE LOVES YOU

• The extent at which she sets rules for you
• The extent at which she craves your attention
• The extent at which she makes sacrifices in the relationship

Women don’t set rules for men they are attracted to; rather they break rules for them. If she sets rules for you. Try to break them. Her reaction will tell you whether she loves you or not.

For instance, you met her recently and she told you she does not like to be touched. Now that’s a rule you need to break to confirm her stance in the affair. If she’s in, she will budge. Otherwise she will maintain her stance whenever you touch her.

Women have no strict, unbendable rules for men they love. Secondly, the extent at which she craves your attention is another indicator of interest.

Is she always irritable whenever you’re around or on the phone? Does she disturb you with calls to check up on you?

Is she always angry when you don’t check up on her? Those are the signs right there on the wall that she’s really into you or not. A woman who does not crave your attention gets it from somewhere else. Stay sharp.

Last but not least is the degree at which she makes sacrifices in the relationship. The above two are in a way intertwined with this one, because if she breaks rules for you, she’s already making sacrifices to be in the relationship.

Similarly, if she’s constantly checking up on you, she’s also making sacrifices to be in the relationship. Other forms of making sacrifices may include cooking for you, buying random things for you with her money.

One thing you have to understand is that women try to spoil men they love with what they have, no matter how little. It does not matter what she gives you, what matters is her intention to give.

If you have read to this point and can’t find traces of your girl or imagine her doing at least one of these things, then you are not loved in your relationship and you are worse off than a single man.

Be The Judge

Women in their early 20s go for older men and hardly date their age mates. Their logic is simple: Those older men are more mature, wiser, richer, more stable and independent.

As usual, their age mates (men) have no problem with this. They don’t complain because they know every dog has its day. They stay on the grind and level up while some of their girlfriends leave them for older men.

When these young men get older and decide to go for younger women, their unmarried age mates (females) now in their 30s begin to shame their choice. Predatory they call it. Whereas they themselves enjoyed the company of older men in their early 20s.

The logic for the choice of these men can’t be any simpler: They insist that the older a lady is, the higher her chances of being in many relationships, thereby having many exes and a body count twice her age.

So they would rather go for younger women because it is believed they generally stand a higher chance of being more fertile and having less sexual exposure overall. These are the facts of the matter: Be the judge!

SETTING BOUNDARIES

FOR THOSE WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND LET ME EXPLAIN: you can love someone wholeheartedly, want to be with them, give your all to them, but they keep hurting you or repeating patterns and behaviors that hurt you. Someone who’s not healed and has poor boundaries or lack of them will accept the toxic patterns in hope that if they stick around that person will eventually change and treat them better etc. Someone with strong boundaries who’s healed or even in the process of healing, will walk away from that situation. Not because they don’t love that person, but because that person is destructive to them, keeps hurting them etc.

So you have no choice but to walk away and love them from afar. Because our inner peace becomes priority. Dealing with toxic people can disregulate your nervous system, constantly have you on edge, questioning why you are not good enough for them to do right by you, questioning your worth and your value. That’s not healthy, that’s emotionally painful and destructive. And sometimes keeping them at a distance or leaving is the only salvation you have for yourself and your peace.

Some people are so used to toxic relationships that they have conditioned themselves to believe that sticking around through thick and thin is what love is. That’s not love, that’s co-dependency, fear of being alone or abandoned, that’s self validation that if they still with you although they keep hurting you, eventually they will change, because you cant stand the thought of leaving them so someone else can have what you have invested time and energy into.

That person don’t leave you because they love you, they don’t leave because they don’t respect you and because you keep putting up with stuff that no one else probably won’t put up with. Real love, genuine love, is not possessive. So yes you can love someone wholeheartedly and still walk away and choose to love them from afar.

Forgetfulness

In the depths of memory’s winding maze, Lies forgetfulness, in a subtle haze. A dance of shadows in the mind’s domain, It cloaks our past, like a silent rain.

Faces once cherished, now faded and blurred, Moments we treasured, their details interred. Names and places, like ships lost at sea, In the vast ocean of forgetfulness, they flee.

Yet forgetfulness is a double-edged sword, It eases the burdens that we have often stored. The wounds of the past, it can gently heal, Allowing new beginnings, emotions to feel.

For in forgetting, we find room to forgive, To let go of grudges, learn to truly live. To unburden our hearts from the weight of the past, And embrace each moment, as long as they last.

So, let us not mourn what’s slipped from our grasp, For forgetfulness, in its own way, can clasp, the beauty of now, and the hope of tomorrow, In the ever turning wheel of joy and sorrow.

Proven Wrong should excite you

Before my long term relationship, I would frequently be at restaurants where couples were at the table next to me. Occasionally, I would notice them eating in silence together. Whenever I saw this, l would unconsciously judge them a little in my head.

They are boring. Not good for each other. Bad fit. I would never let this happen. Whatever else at the time, my experience was still limited to only seeing someone a few times per week. Given school, it would be hanging out on a Friday night, or at a Saturday football game or something.

It was not until things were more serious with another person that my perspective changed. Because meeting up was no longer seen as an “event,” where we knew we only had a couple hours to make the most of it before the next time we saw each other, silence suddenly became normal.

I did not feel like I had to be perpetually “on” anymore. There was more trust. Comfort. Familiarity. No nerves. No force. Much of our time was exactly like that, outwardly uneventful but internally peaceful.

My previous assumptions were personally proven wrong used this specific example to make a point, and the point is that it taught me to consistently acknowledge my ignorance. So often, I will falsely acknowledge my ignorance. So often, I will falsely believe that I know the “truth.” You will see some takes on here, and immediately want to clown them for it. You want to be seen as an expert. “This is the way,” you think.

You don’t. Your awareness is limited. You know some things, but you have not gone through enough to know everything. You are dating someone, but you are not married yet. You are married, but you have not had kids yet. You made ¢10k/month, but you have not scaled yet. You have scaled, but you have not exited the company yet. There is always another “level” of experience, but you will never reach it if you form those premature notions.

This can be applied to every aspect of life. It always reminds me to not let my ego go too untamed. Have to be willing and open to learn. Letting the idea of getting proven wrong excite you, as it creates room for growth opportunities. Embody this mindset, and watch how much you’ll be able to achieve when your open minded curiosity stops you from holding yourself back.

Prayers

Prayer is important for the Christian. There are certain things that won’t change until you pray. Prayer covers not only the communication the content of the prayer but also our meditation during the times of prayer. So giving time to prayer is very important.

There are times and certain situations that don’t require you to pray for a protracted period. There are other times and situations that require importunity, heartfelt continuity in prayer. Both are very important, depending on what you are dealing with. But the bottom line is that as a Christian, prayer must be a lifestyle.

When you discover that you have a strong desire for change, then God is at your door. The strong desire is the response of the human soul to God, as He knocks on the door of your heart.

A compelling desire for a change is the starting place. You want a change? It’s got to dawn on you that God has prepared something better than where you are now. The first step to your miracle is to get uncomfortable with your present state.

With a compelling desire for a change comes a strong urge to pray. A burden of prayer begins to develop as God’s Spirit leads you into the place of change.

Now there is a desire in you, but you have to call the object of your desire. Your soul’s call for a change invokes the Presence of God who desires to answer your prayer. As you call out in prayer, He answers you.